Self-Assessment (or, the joys of watching yourself on video)

You and your team just crash-landed on the moon. You were scheduled to rendezvous with the mother ship 200 miles away on the lit surface of the moon, but the rough landing has ruined your ship and destroyed all equipment on board, except for the 12 items listed on these index cards.

Your crew's survival depends on reaching the mother ship, so you must choose the most critical items available for the 200-mile trip. You only have space to carry 7 of the 12 items and your task is to rank these items by their importance for survival. You have 20 minutes to complete this task.

Each cohort is divided into squads; I'm in a squad of 7, and we've done multiple teambuiding exercises together over the past week and a half. This was our latest. We were videotaped sitting around a table completing this task, then we watched the video and spoke one-on-one with designated facilitators who observed specific individuals. As we watched the video, we had to check off how many times we observed ourselves doing certain things. Here's my scorecard:

Initiating work by:
*suggesting how to proceed - 1
*offering direction - 1

Supporting others by:
*pledging commitment to others ideas or directions - 7
*listening and asking clarifying questions - 2
*expressing interest in others' point of view - 1
*encouraging others to speak - 2

Challenging others' ideas by:
*pointing out potential problems - 2
*questioning the validity of ideas - 2

Facilitating by:
*commenting on the group's progress - 3
*summarizing key points - 1

What struck me about this was how many supportive actions I took in a relatively short period. I generally worry that I come across as too aggressive, controlling; cold. I've worked hard over the past few years at making adjustments to help avoid being perceived this way, but never had the opportunity for external validation of success.

When I watched myself on video, I was stunned. I didn't come across as cold at all. I smiled quite a bit, joked with people. Was clearly listening and focusing on others' ideas. Nodded in agreement. I shouldn't have been surprised given how much work I've done over the past few years to NOT be perceived as cold and aggressive, but it was incredibly validating to have the opportunity to see my progress on screen.

Feedback from my facilitator:

-initiates circle structure to be inclusive
-inclusive approach; asked quiet team members what they thought
-appear to be listening attentively
-challenged viewpoints where necessary, but in a skillful way
-comments on group progress; keeps track of time, big picture, immediate needs
-appeared engaged throughout activity
-Great initiating and coordination skills. You kept the team balanced and going. Great balance on getting others involved.

It looks like it's time to shift my reference point. All the hard work to let more of my warmth shine through, to become more aware of how my tone of voice and body language could be interpreted in unintended ways, and to make the necessary adjustments, seems to have paid off! Of course, I have to keep doing the work, but what a great feeling.