Expectations and Disappointment

Expectations are stories we tell ourselves, and when life fails to mirror these stories, we suffer. The Verses of the Faith Mind, a Buddhist sutra (teaching) attributed to Chinese Zen Master Sengcan, begins with the following lines:

The Great Way is not difficult
for those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however,
and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.

What is this Great Way? Simply put, it's appreciating and enjoying life as it is at any given moment. When expectations and judgements are gone - no "I want this," "I don't want that" - life is simple. But the moment we shift out of what is to our stories about what we want and how we think things should be, we make ourselves suffer.

This is important to understand when we set goals. The best fortune cookie fortune I ever got read "In life, you won't go far unless you know where the goalposts are." Articulating our goals can be difficult. Setting a goal means knowing where we want to go, which requires understanding what is and isn't working for us in our current situation. The first half requires some self-awareness; the second half requires some big-picture, creative thinking.

Goals are an important part of business school. I came to business school with the goal of becoming a management consultant. Recruiting for summer internships has begun so it's important to have short-term goals for the year. I know that my long-term goal is management consulting. But does it make sense to have a short-term goal of getting a summer internship in management consulting?

Not necessarily.

It turns out that the number of students management consulting companies take as summer interns after year one is much smaller than the number of students they ultimately end up hiring after year two. It makes much more sense to set a goal of having a summer internship that will help move me toward a career in management consulting. This is a reachable goal; it's broad, inclusive, and there is a much lower risk of failure than if I focused exclusively on a management consulting internship. If I set myself up for failure I'm much less likely to set goals for myself in the future; it's important to be kind to ourselves. Business school (and life!) is a marathon, not a sprint.

So know where your goalposts are. But set positive goals. And learn to appreciate life as it is, wacky curve-balls and all, rather than being disappointed when it doesn't match what we might have wanted. It's the unexpected that gives life its color.

More from the Verses of the Faith Mind

If you're attached to anything, you surely will go far astray.
Just let go now of clinging mind, and all things are just as they are.
In essence nothing goes or stays.
See into the true self of things and you're in step with the Great Way,
thus walking freely, undisturbed.
But live in bondage to your thoughts, and you will be confused, unclear.
This heavy burden weighs you down— why keep judging good and bad?