The Practice of Receiving Feedback: Bain Continued

I already wrote about how my interview experience with Bain solidified my positive impression of the firm. My respect for Bain has only grown as Jay, the Chicago partner who conducted my second Bain interview, took 15 minutes to speak with me and provide more detailed feedback about my interview.

Over the weekend I mentioned this call to a friend. She literally shuddered at thought of asking for feedback from someone who gave me a ding. I actually love receiving feedback - it's not always easy, but it stretches me. Of course some types of feedback are more difficult to hear than others. Because I enjoyed my interviews with Bain and was proud of my overall effort this feedback wasn't difficult to receive.

Just Listen

Receiving feedback is excellent listening practice. There's a lot of buzz in the business world about active listening. There's not a lot of clarity about what this means or how its done. I define active listening as the act of setting aside our egos and agendas and just listening, fully and openly and deeply, to someone else's experience. Receiving feedback is a great exercise for setting aside the ego because the subject is someone else's opinion of us. What could be more personal?

Jay divided our conversation into case and fit. He said I did a solid job on both of my cases in terms of framework, incorporating additional information, assessing the problems and investigating in a way that was both broad and deep. No trip-ups or illogical assumptions. Where he said I was relatively weak was in driving through to the "So what?" at the end of the case. On the interpersonal side, Jay said I seemed like a good cultural fit. He said I didn't seem relaxed and confident; not someone who could run a client meeting alone.

Self Assessment: Is It True?

Honest self assessment is an imperative tool in any leader's toolkit. Feedback is a great opportunity to practice this. How thoroughly can I reflect on the feedback and consider the other person's experience, without being dismissive? This is all about fluidity. If I have a fixed and rigid sense of myself then any feedback outside of my perception is likely to be painful.

There's a Buddhist story that I love about a man who spit on the Buddha. The Buddha doesn't react as the man expected and the experience blows the man's mind. When he comes back to apologize here is what the Buddha says:

“Forgive? But I am not the same man to whom you did it. The Ganges goes on flowing, it is never the same Ganges again. Every man is a river. The man you spit upon is no longer here. I look just like him, but I am not the same, much has happened in these twenty-four hours! The river has flowed so much. So I cannot forgive you because I have no grudge against you.”

“And you also are new. I can see you are not the same man who came yesterday because that man was angry and he spit, whereas you are bowing at my feet, touching my feet. How can you be the same man? You are not the same man, so let us forget about it. Those two people, the man who spit and the man on whom he spit, both are no more. Come closer. Let us talk of something else.”

I love the image of a person as a flowing river, always in process, always growing and evolving. Where's the sting in feedback? Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. If it is true, then so what? I can make an adjustment and move on. The river can flow on and evolve. Unless I build a dam out of fixed ideas about who and what I am. The key is to be open and receptive.

Some of Jay's feedback resonated as true, some didn't. His comments about the case were in line with my own assessment of my performance; in fact, he was more generous in his praise than I would have been. His comments about not coming across as relaxed and confident were more surprising. But I didn't dismiss them out of hand. I thought about the interview - how I felt, how I might have acted. His impression was interesting because my recollection is of feeling relaxed and thoroughly enjoying myself during both interviews. It's also the first time someone has said I don't seem relaxed and confident - since I've come to business school I've been fairly shocked by how often I've heard the term "poised" used to describe me.

Trust Yourself, Create a Plan and Let It Go

So what to do with this feedback? The key is not to be attached to either reality; it's all a matter of perception. There are as many truths as there are people in the world. The feedback is helpful whether it's "true" or not. If I thought that not appearing confident was a pattern then I would make the necessary adjustments. I think its much more likely that this was a one-time interpretation. I trust my experience of myself and the set of experiences others have had of me and shared, and I don't believe I have problems appearing confident, relaxed and strongly client-ready. I do agree that I can be more strong at the end of my cases, so I'll run through some recent cases and practice presenting a much stronger "so what?" conclusion.

This was thrilling feedback overall - all I need to do for full-time Bain recruiting is to drive through to a solution/next steps more strongly. I hung up the phone feeling very positive and enthusiastic about my chances for Bain with full-time recruiting. And if a Bain partner was willing to take the time to speak with me after a ding, then I totally buy that a Bainie never lets another Bainie fail.